Parenting is a balancing act. Not a juggling act, but a balancing act. Balancing requires finesse. Unlike juggling, which makes other think you’re having fun, balancing requires a person to be poised and calm. There is a sense of regality with balancing. “Look how perfect I am, because my spine is straight and this book is level”.

No, parenting is not balancing a book on your head. Parenting is balancing an oval plate on your head, upon which sits a rolling pin, upon which sits a soft-boiled egg. Parenting is pulling it off and making it look easy.

I, for one, cannot do any of the above. Is it no wonder a person can feel like they are failing?

The perception is that parenting means meeting the needs of ev.er.y.one, and not complaining.

But I can’t do that. By nature, I’m a complainer. My daughter is a complainer, but she’s a kid, so it’s allowed. I think complaining is my own {weird} way of connecting with people. “Hey, let me tell you how rough life is right now because maybe it’s rough for you and we can be miserable together”.

Though my life has very many amazing and wonderful parts to it, very few people want to hear how wonderful someone’s life is when theirs may be falling apart. Sister, mine might have been and could still be falling apart too, and now I’m not afraid to show it.

I recently had to make one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. I chose to quit my job. My dream job. The most amazing job I’ve ever had. I couldn’t balance life while working. I couldn’t meet the needs of anyone when I was absent and unable to take care of the things that needed to be taken care of because I was working. It was becoming ever more apparent that my son’s needs were greatly increasing. In between traveling out of state for days at a time, my husband was doing an incredible job of being super-dad, super-mom, and super-tough-smart-military man. He was juggling. He made it look easy, but I know it wasn’t.

He never complained. Seriously, not once. He was stressed and I could tell. I was stressed and he could tell. Neither one of us wanted to say it, but we both knew it. I needed to quit. Me working was no longer a priority when our family life was becoming so difficult. It was tough, but I’m glad I made the decision. I feel like I’m able to tend to the things that need tending. Being able to take my son to therapy, and to make appointments that he needs with doctors without having to follow it with, “Oh, that day doesn’t work for me. Is there another one?….Oh, you don’t have anything for another 4 weeks if I don’t take that appointment? Umm….ok, I’ll see what I can do”. It feels amazing ! It feels amazing to say, “What’s the soonest he can be seen because I’m flexible”. Another positive to working in the home is that {for I don’t know how long} I haven’t stared at a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch or a sink full of dirty dishes. “What?!”, you ask. “What does that feel like?!” It feels refreshing, though short-lived because, let’s be honest, #kidsaremessy.

What’s not refreshing, though, is what has become my biggest complaint for right now: not being able to meet my son’s emotional needs and help him with his behavioral struggles without making my daughter feel neglected. And I’ll add to that, feeling like I’m unable to meet my husband’s emotional needs because I’m trying to figure out how to balance the happiness of my children. And lastly, I’m not able to meet my own needs because I’m exhausted from meeting everyone else’s.

Each day I’m getting better at recognizing that if momma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. I’m taking small steps every day to feel more like the happy-go-lucky self that I used to be. I’m cross-stitching again. Say what?! Yeah. I cross-stitch. And I’m finally finishing up physical therapy from hip surgery that was in August of 2016. And eventually, I hope to start playing my violin again.

I know I’m not alone in the frustrations that come with making everyone happy and making everything nice and perfect. To quote Dorinda, “I made it nice!”. Or at least I’m trying to. Not just for my family, but for me too.

If you’re reading this, you’re not alone. Let’s balance this thing together! Complain away, even if it’s that your Amazon package arrived two days late…. guess what, you can extend your Prime membership if that happens.

There is a positive to everything. A yin to a yang. An ebb to a flow. A balance. Life’s balance. I may be on the low end of the see-saw, but one day I’ll be on top, and hopefully one day I’ll be able to see eye to eye, essentially balancing my life. One day.